Blowdryer

I swear, my new Babyliss Ionic blowdryer is WAY better than my old Braun. My hair dries faster, gets less damaged and styles easier with it. And it cost 10 Euros less than the old one!

Monday Morning

I've been a bit up and down lately. I was more in a funk yesterday...I just had one of those days where I kept questioning whether or not I'm making the right choices in my life right now and if I'm choosing the right career path, and maybe if I gave up on my old dreams. I guess any time you start something new (school, job search...whatever) you question it. I don't want what I used to want, but somehow that's really hard and I don't know why. I feel like I'm a completely different person.
I'm in a better mood this morning though. Things don't feel so dramatic. Maybe I was just really tired last night.

You Can't Always Get What You Want

This song was perfect for the end of the 60's I think.

"Maybe I'm Just Too Young"

I love this song so much. It just really hits home somehow. In a way, it feels like the way a lot of guys have been with me in the past ("sometimes a man gets carried away, when he feels like he should be having his fun"...I tend to attract the non-committal type ), as well as the fact that maybe that's been because "maybe I'm just too young" myself and never picked the right sorts of guys in the first place.
I love Jeff Buckley's voice as well. He died far too young. He was an amazingly talented songwriter, guitar player and singer.

(PS I posted the live version, as content from Sony Music is not available on YouTube in Germany. One day, I hope that German record label divisions will get their heads out of their asses and allow content on the net, but so far that hasn't happened yet).

Confession...

I confess that I just don't like Sex and the City as much as I used to when I was younger. It can still be fun, but sometimes if I watch it I'm just like "gahhhhh you're morons."

I think when I was 20 it was fascinating because they lived in New York and Carrie has a lot of designer clothes. But now I'm kind of like "yeah right Carrie, you're either MASSIVELY in debt, or this is fantasy land" (the latter is true in the show). And don't get me wrong, I'd LOVE to go to New York but it's not like it's the end-all-be-all. I've been in several fab places (London, Paris...even Vancouver is pretty cool) and I live in Berlin, which might be "poor" but it's still "sexy."
When I was a little older, 22 or 23, I loved it because they made all the same dating mistakes I did then. But I like to think I'm at least sort of past that now. Or maybe I'm the moron.

Just Wonderful

I feel just wonderful today!

I woke up a bit groggy at 7:30 and hit snooze until 8, but I still hit my goal of getting up earlier than I was. And I'm not too tired. A coffee will make me normal...I've been REALLY good about taking my vitamins and I can see the difference!
I also got on the scale and I lost another pound! I know that no one else noticed that I'd gained 15 pounds earlier in the year, but I sure did...I didn't fit into a lot of my clothes. I could only wear looser-fitting stuff and definitely not anything tailored. It just made me feel really lumpy and unsexy, and anyway I really like some of those clothes! I was also afraid that if I didn't check things, I'd gain more and wouldn't fit into ANY of my clothes, and on my budget there's no way I could afford a nice all-new wardrobe. Anyway I've lost 12 lbs (11.7 actually, but I'm not in weight watchers and I can round off!) now and EVERYTHING fits. I'm still 3 lbs away from my "goal," but I wont be overly choked if I stay this weight because ultimately, it wasn't -that- much of a numbers goal, it was a fitting goal and I hit it! I'll never fit into some of the stuff I had when I was 21, but I was 2 inches shorter then and still had my crazy-skinny teenage body. So I think I"ll go through some of that and see what I still like, and what of that is alterable into a bigger size, or into another piece of clothing (I think my green wool trousers that I LOVE have enough fabric for a skirt!)
Also, I had the most AMAZING bath last night. I was in there for over an hour just reading, listening to music and relaxing. I was so relaxed I managed to slip into a meditative state that borderlined on a spiritual experience. I don't let myself just chill out like that nearly enough. I spend too much time worrying about Uni and jobs and money etc, etc, etc.

It's SNOWING out! I really hate snow after about Christmas and I'm not only sick of it but also it's that grey, old snow that looks all gross and depressing, but this time of year when it's new and fresh, I love it. It's cold and I hate cold, but snow is SO much brighter than rain and I like light. Also it softens sounds and you get that quiet, "snowing" vibe going on.

Time Management

Lately I've been trying to do more with my time than I have been for the past few years. I always feel better and more motivated when I'm getting more done. In middle school and high school, I kept up top marks, did theater after school and clubs often at lunch, took guitar, piano and singing lessons (including practice time) and at various times also did dance class (grade 8+11), volleyball (grade 8), Job's Daughters (grades 7+8), Children's Choir (grades 5-10). I also kept up my social life and hung out with friends on the weekend, went to open mic and coffee house nights, and kept up a lot of hobbies like making clothes, writing and stuff like that...I did lots of stuff. I slowed down a little bit in university, but that's really a relative term. By my last year, I studied full time and kept up my grades, worked part time, and still had the time to practice singing, piano, guitar (which, admittedly was part of my studies, but it still took time aside from my academic courses and I played music that wasn't jazz sometimes), wrote, made clothes, and still had time to hang out with friends a lot and go to on mini trips all over Vancouver Island every few weeks.
When I moved to Germany I slowed down a LOT. Maybe I needed that....just time to sit back and enjoy life a little. But I think I'm much happier being busy. It's hard to get back into the swing of my old life in my new life...I guess it's a habit and I'm not in that habit anymore. But I'm trying. I started university again full time last year, and this year I'm working on organizing my house a lot, and I started French classes and Toastmasters. I'd like to maybe do kickboxing (something I've talked about for over a year but still haven't got the guts to do) or piano lessons again. I'm also looking for a job. I'd really like to add more of my artistic stuff back in though, in a fuller way like I managed to in the past.
I guess part of it is also that I have a LOT more responsibility now than I did then (I didn't have to spend time calling electricians or oiling my deck before, for example), and I had a car to do errands with as well. But I still feel like I could be doing -more-.

Online

I've been thinking about my online life a lot lately, and how it can affect me. I'm particularly concerned about it at the moment, as I am looking for a job and I'm thinking forward about my career and possibly grad school and I'm concerned about how things online could affect my professional (and maybe even personal) image. It's not something I gave a lot of thought to before, but if I google myself it's surprising what comes up. I've ended up editing quite a few profiles (quite a few seem difficult to delete entirely). Stuff I haven't used in ages, like hi5 (an early pre-facebook, pre MySpace social networking site), profiles on modeling sites...stuff like that. I also totally forgot about LinkedIn, and that could be a helpful site to use so I updated it. But anyway, it's really surprising how stuff about you just ends up on the internet....like things you wrote years ago, pictures from who-knows-when...it all seems to linger.

New haircut!

I'm really happy with it!

Going to try something new

For those that don't know, I suffer from seasonal depression. I actually have depressive tendencies year round, but I'm able to manage things much better during the Spring/Summer seasons. During SAD season (like my pun there?) I have to resist the urges I get to park myself on the sofa and mind-meld with the TV until March. I have a number of things that I do to prevent myself from getting too down; I try to eat properly, I take a ton of vitamins, I exercise, I involve myself in projects, I work hard to keep my home clean. But sometimes I still just feel myself slumping. This is one of those times, so I thought I'd try something new.

Whenever I can, I want to post something I'm thankful for or happy about. I hope it doesn't get too annoying, but it's more helpful to share with people than it is to just write in a journal, for some reason.

Today, I'm thankful that I'm starting to make real career goals.

Airbrush Overload!

Ok so I was going for a walk tonight, and I went by a video store and saw a poster for the video release of Sex and the City 2. I don't know how I NEVER noticed this before, but while they're all heavily edited, Kim Cattrall doesn't even look like herself. In fact, when I saw the poster from the corner of my eye, I thought I was looking at the poster for a new Rachel McAdams movie.

Seriously:







One of these things is not like the others, and it's not the one it's supposed to be.