Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Night of Truth
tonight...this is it, the night of truth. I'll see him tonight, and I have no idea where it is going. Ack.
Sunday, January 27, 2008
One Week
Like the Barenaked Ladies song of the same title, it's been one week since I got in a fight with P, and he is still not speaking to me.
It all degraded into a passive aggressive email battle, starting with me explaining why I was angry, and ending with him calling me selfish. True, I was being a bit selfish, and didn't consider his feelings, and I sent my apologies, but instead of being mature and dealing with it he has totally shut me out. It's not even so much that he's been busy and didn't have time to deal with it. I called and sent a text yesterday (the text because I got no answer or voicemail prompt) to say that I was still feeling bad about what happened and that my offer to make dinner still stands (hey, it's the girl version of sending flowers), and still got nada.
It's hurting me. I couldn't eat or sleep after it happened because my nerves were so shot. Now I'm just tired, and need a distraction. I'll see him tomorrow, but it's a group situation that will allow him to duck out early if he still wants to be silly about this, and I'm not sure how much I can allow this to go on before I snap and end it. I love him, but I can't do this. I can't have someone shut me out for weeks because they got upset at me and feel too busy to deal with it. Where does that leave me then? Who's the selfish one in that case?
It all degraded into a passive aggressive email battle, starting with me explaining why I was angry, and ending with him calling me selfish. True, I was being a bit selfish, and didn't consider his feelings, and I sent my apologies, but instead of being mature and dealing with it he has totally shut me out. It's not even so much that he's been busy and didn't have time to deal with it. I called and sent a text yesterday (the text because I got no answer or voicemail prompt) to say that I was still feeling bad about what happened and that my offer to make dinner still stands (hey, it's the girl version of sending flowers), and still got nada.
It's hurting me. I couldn't eat or sleep after it happened because my nerves were so shot. Now I'm just tired, and need a distraction. I'll see him tomorrow, but it's a group situation that will allow him to duck out early if he still wants to be silly about this, and I'm not sure how much I can allow this to go on before I snap and end it. I love him, but I can't do this. I can't have someone shut me out for weeks because they got upset at me and feel too busy to deal with it. Where does that leave me then? Who's the selfish one in that case?
Sunday, January 13, 2008
The Condom Curse
You're going to think I'm crazy when say this, but I have a curse. I call it the 'Condom Curse.' I swear on my life, EVERY time I buy condoms, I never get to use them with the guy I bought them to have sex with. It has happened every time for two years, without fail. It's a long vicious cycle; I start dating a guy, run out of condoms, and then in an effort to not be caught unprepared, I buy more. BUT before we have sex again, we break up, he stops calling, or it doesn't work out for some reason or another. Then all I'm left with is an unopened box of condoms, which seem to be mocking me in my night table drawer because I'm not having sex. I eventually start dating another guy and use them, but if I buy a new pack, the cycle is repeated.
I was in line at the grocery store the other day and saw the condoms by the register and remembered that I was out. BUT this time I remembered the Condom Curse, and I left them be. If he can't remember condoms, he shouldn't be having sex.
I was in line at the grocery store the other day and saw the condoms by the register and remembered that I was out. BUT this time I remembered the Condom Curse, and I left them be. If he can't remember condoms, he shouldn't be having sex.
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
Am I the Freak?
The past couple of days, I have been acting like a crazy person. I blame this LARGELY on PMS, which normally isn't too terrible since I've been on the pill but some months, at random I find myself HORRIBLY emotional and horomonal. Crying watching sitcoms, freaking out because my bank screwed something up, etc. Yesterday I had the PMS freakout of all time though. I found myself crying like crazy because I couldn't see him when I thought I would. And I thought to myself 'why am I acting totally insane? What is WRONG with me?' Then this morning when I took my pill and realized there was one left, I totally understood.
I want to get my period already and stop the madness!
I want to get my period already and stop the madness!
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
Eeek
I hate that feeling when I think I might be falling for someone, especially when I have no idea where I stand with that person.
It all started Saturday night. P came over. We hadn't seen each other in almost a month. I had gone away, and then he left for Barcelona just before I came back. So we were in need of catching up...badly. I got this odd twinge in my stomach before he came, like I was nervous or something. I've been seeing him (fooling around, whatever...I have no idea) for over 2 months, and he's never made me nervous like that but I just felt like something was different. He came over, and I was still a bit nervous but felt a lot of chemistry and we talked a lot and the sex was great. The weird part is that afterward, when I was lying in my bed with him, I actually FELT something, and I never feel anything. 'Afterglow' is the best way I can describe it. I continued to feel it into the next day, and I'm almost feeling it now thinking about it.
I'm not sure where this is going. I've never been in real love before but I think this might be the start of it? I'm terrified, because now I absolutely hate the idea of losing him, and now I have feelings invested and I have NO idea where this is going. It's like investing millions into a startup company that could really go either way. Unfortunately emotions aren't money and you can't exactly choose who you invest them in.
It all started Saturday night. P came over. We hadn't seen each other in almost a month. I had gone away, and then he left for Barcelona just before I came back. So we were in need of catching up...badly. I got this odd twinge in my stomach before he came, like I was nervous or something. I've been seeing him (fooling around, whatever...I have no idea) for over 2 months, and he's never made me nervous like that but I just felt like something was different. He came over, and I was still a bit nervous but felt a lot of chemistry and we talked a lot and the sex was great. The weird part is that afterward, when I was lying in my bed with him, I actually FELT something, and I never feel anything. 'Afterglow' is the best way I can describe it. I continued to feel it into the next day, and I'm almost feeling it now thinking about it.
I'm not sure where this is going. I've never been in real love before but I think this might be the start of it? I'm terrified, because now I absolutely hate the idea of losing him, and now I have feelings invested and I have NO idea where this is going. It's like investing millions into a startup company that could really go either way. Unfortunately emotions aren't money and you can't exactly choose who you invest them in.
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