I think I'm finally at the point where I'm happy being alone. If you're not involved with someone, you can't get hurt. Sometimes I feel lonely still, but if I do I just go see friends or hang out with the cat, or call someone in Canada.
I'll date again at some point, but I really don't feel any rush or pressure anymore. I'm not giving up, but I don't feel like putting much effort into dating either. I'm fine as is.
Showing posts with label dating. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dating. Show all posts
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
I went out with F last night, and it was great!
I met up with him for coffee. He'd said earlier that his friends were grilling in the park to celebrate their bday and if I was up for it we could go but if not no worries. We decided to just meet at Balzac and take it from there. We were there for about 2 hours, and talked sooo much and it was great. He's intelligent and has a great sense of humour, and he even said he was interested in learning more about fashion (which I think that could be BS, and if it is that's really sweet that he made the effort anyway..if it's true, then cool as well.) I felt like I could be myself and wasn't nervous or feeling fake at all.
We eventually did decide to go meet his friends in the park, and totally got lost looking for this hill, in the dark. It was kind of creepy because we started talking about scary movies and zombies (eep) but also totally hilarious. We decided to just go back down and drink some wine by the pond where there are lights and people. The friends decided to come down and meet us, and it was fun.
We went home around 12:30 (both have to work in the morning), and he took me home and we kissed on the cheek. I couldn't find my keys and he said I could always stay at his place in Dom's room (she's away)...was a little disappointed he didn't ask to stay in his room, but mind you that I'm really glad he didn't because it would have been rude and presumptuous and I'm glad he's not that kind of guy. In some ways I was surprised he never made a move the whole night but I was also kind of happy because I got to know him better without physical stuff and I think I always move way too fast that way. I texted him to thank him for the coffee and the wine (he paid) and to say that I had a great night, and he answered 'and I was just trying to find the words to say what a nice eveing it was. thx.' I thought it was SO sweet, and a definite sign that he likes me :) I'm totally infatuated.
I met up with him for coffee. He'd said earlier that his friends were grilling in the park to celebrate their bday and if I was up for it we could go but if not no worries. We decided to just meet at Balzac and take it from there. We were there for about 2 hours, and talked sooo much and it was great. He's intelligent and has a great sense of humour, and he even said he was interested in learning more about fashion (which I think that could be BS, and if it is that's really sweet that he made the effort anyway..if it's true, then cool as well.) I felt like I could be myself and wasn't nervous or feeling fake at all.
We eventually did decide to go meet his friends in the park, and totally got lost looking for this hill, in the dark. It was kind of creepy because we started talking about scary movies and zombies (eep) but also totally hilarious. We decided to just go back down and drink some wine by the pond where there are lights and people. The friends decided to come down and meet us, and it was fun.
We went home around 12:30 (both have to work in the morning), and he took me home and we kissed on the cheek. I couldn't find my keys and he said I could always stay at his place in Dom's room (she's away)...was a little disappointed he didn't ask to stay in his room, but mind you that I'm really glad he didn't because it would have been rude and presumptuous and I'm glad he's not that kind of guy. In some ways I was surprised he never made a move the whole night but I was also kind of happy because I got to know him better without physical stuff and I think I always move way too fast that way. I texted him to thank him for the coffee and the wine (he paid) and to say that I had a great night, and he answered 'and I was just trying to find the words to say what a nice eveing it was. thx.' I thought it was SO sweet, and a definite sign that he likes me :) I'm totally infatuated.
Saturday, May 17, 2008
"Du siehst aber schick aus"
That's what a guy said to me on my way home. It means "You look very chic." Thanks, I think.
Being 'hit-on' count just on my way home (not counting on the way there or on the way to my date): 4
Drink count: 1 glass white wine (on disasterous date), 1 glass red wine (cianti, at dinner), 1 cosmopolitan, 2 watered-down grapefruity shots (all at bar), beer (on my way home)
Still not drunk. I think water was added to everything I drank all night because I am a cheap drunk.
Being 'hit-on' count just on my way home (not counting on the way there or on the way to my date): 4
Drink count: 1 glass white wine (on disasterous date), 1 glass red wine (cianti, at dinner), 1 cosmopolitan, 2 watered-down grapefruity shots (all at bar), beer (on my way home)
Still not drunk. I think water was added to everything I drank all night because I am a cheap drunk.
Blind Date Blues
My date sucked. Plain and simple.
First of all, he didn't look half as good as his photo. But no judgement. I'm willing to give anyone a chance if they have a shining personality. Unfortunately this one did NOT. The conversation started off pleasant enough, the usual small talk people make with me about Canada and Germany, but then after we finished our coffee he wanted me to go have a glass of wine at his house. Seeing as this is a guy I met off the internet and don't know at all, I politely declined and suggested we get a glass of wine in the nice cafe next door instead. He kept pushing. I flat out told him that I don't know him and that I would feel more comfortable in a bar. He got all defensive about how he is a 'nice guy' (and I'm SURE all the rapists use that line too, buddy.) We ended up having a glass of wine in a cafe, and I texted my friend to call me and make up some excuse about why I had to leave. I'm meeting her for dinner in a bit. Needless to say there will NOT be a second date. I am in dire need of a martini.
First of all, he didn't look half as good as his photo. But no judgement. I'm willing to give anyone a chance if they have a shining personality. Unfortunately this one did NOT. The conversation started off pleasant enough, the usual small talk people make with me about Canada and Germany, but then after we finished our coffee he wanted me to go have a glass of wine at his house. Seeing as this is a guy I met off the internet and don't know at all, I politely declined and suggested we get a glass of wine in the nice cafe next door instead. He kept pushing. I flat out told him that I don't know him and that I would feel more comfortable in a bar. He got all defensive about how he is a 'nice guy' (and I'm SURE all the rapists use that line too, buddy.) We ended up having a glass of wine in a cafe, and I texted my friend to call me and make up some excuse about why I had to leave. I'm meeting her for dinner in a bit. Needless to say there will NOT be a second date. I am in dire need of a martini.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Announcement
Ladies and Gentlemen, I have a date on Saturday.
Hopefully this blog will get more interesting after my months-long dry spell, which was admittedly self-inflicted.
He's 28 so I'm hoping he's somewhat grown-up. Arrested development seems to be a defining feature of German men, and at 23 I feel more grown up than most of the guys in their mid-20's, who all seem to act like the guys I knew when I was 19.
Hopefully this blog will get more interesting after my months-long dry spell, which was admittedly self-inflicted.
He's 28 so I'm hoping he's somewhat grown-up. Arrested development seems to be a defining feature of German men, and at 23 I feel more grown up than most of the guys in their mid-20's, who all seem to act like the guys I knew when I was 19.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Adventures in Web-Dating and S-bahn Fantasies
Frustrated with getting hit on by drunks and construction workers, yet never getting asked out, I decided to try online dating. Mostly, it seems to be like a bar, but online, and less drunk. 95% of the guys that message me are not interesting to me, and some of them are super persistent. I get an average of 30 messages a day, and I can't answer all of them, but some of them insist on continuing to message 'why aren't you answering me?' Here's a clue, if I don't message you, it's the e-equivalent of me saying 'that's nice' then turning back to my friends and ignoring you in a bar...get the hint!
That being said, I do have a date on Saturday with a guy who looks like he is pretty attractive in his photos, and seems interesting from his profile (speaks 4 languages, likes culture)
In other news, I finished my period on Sunday and am at that ridiculously horny part of my cycle. Yesterday I found myself waiting for the S-Bahn, fantasizing about making out with the guy sitting on the bench next to me. That's right. Total stranger. I also had more than a few fantasies about F, who is a roommate of my friend D. He's a ginger kid, but a hot ginger kid. God. I feel like a cat in heat.
That being said, I do have a date on Saturday with a guy who looks like he is pretty attractive in his photos, and seems interesting from his profile (speaks 4 languages, likes culture)
In other news, I finished my period on Sunday and am at that ridiculously horny part of my cycle. Yesterday I found myself waiting for the S-Bahn, fantasizing about making out with the guy sitting on the bench next to me. That's right. Total stranger. I also had more than a few fantasies about F, who is a roommate of my friend D. He's a ginger kid, but a hot ginger kid. God. I feel like a cat in heat.
Monday, May 12, 2008
:(
I finally got a text back from him. It said "Just got back from the choir trip, and I'm busy at school all day and night the entire week. But thanks anyway for the cake."
I don't know. It just screams 'I don't care.' Like, it's the text equivalent of me giving it to him and him shrugging. It wouldn't be the first time a guy shrugged at me when I tried to do something nice for him. It's so hurtful, not just because I have feelings for him, but also because he's my friend and friends aren't supposed to act like that. Friends are supposed to appreciate it when you do things for them. Is he at Uni 24 hours a day? No. I could drop it off. He could acknowledge that I made some effort for him. But he just doesn't care.
One day, I want to be in love with someone and not feel sad about it. I want to tell all my friends that I am really in love, and say it with a smile on my face, not call them crying because I know I'm going to get my heart broken. There is NOTHING worse than that feeling you get when you realize that the person you're in love with not only doesn't love you, but doesn't care enough about you to consider your feelings. It stings. M was supposed to be different than that, but I guess he is just like everybody else.
I don't know. It just screams 'I don't care.' Like, it's the text equivalent of me giving it to him and him shrugging. It wouldn't be the first time a guy shrugged at me when I tried to do something nice for him. It's so hurtful, not just because I have feelings for him, but also because he's my friend and friends aren't supposed to act like that. Friends are supposed to appreciate it when you do things for them. Is he at Uni 24 hours a day? No. I could drop it off. He could acknowledge that I made some effort for him. But he just doesn't care.
One day, I want to be in love with someone and not feel sad about it. I want to tell all my friends that I am really in love, and say it with a smile on my face, not call them crying because I know I'm going to get my heart broken. There is NOTHING worse than that feeling you get when you realize that the person you're in love with not only doesn't love you, but doesn't care enough about you to consider your feelings. It stings. M was supposed to be different than that, but I guess he is just like everybody else.
Monday, May 5, 2008
Blech
I feel really cranky today.
Ever had one of those nights where you wake up every half hour or so? That was my night last night. Nothing worse than continually interrupting your sleep, all the while knowing that you have to wake up the next morning.
M still isn't speaking to me and I'm worried I really pissed him off. However, at the same time it's really childish, because what I did wasn't THAT bad and he has to either get mad at me directly or get over it. I hate it when he acts like this. Passive aggressiveness has a tendency to make ME really agressive.
Ever had one of those nights where you wake up every half hour or so? That was my night last night. Nothing worse than continually interrupting your sleep, all the while knowing that you have to wake up the next morning.
M still isn't speaking to me and I'm worried I really pissed him off. However, at the same time it's really childish, because what I did wasn't THAT bad and he has to either get mad at me directly or get over it. I hate it when he acts like this. Passive aggressiveness has a tendency to make ME really agressive.
Friday, February 15, 2008
Uncertainty
It's been a few weeks and the fight was long resolved, but there are other issues looming.
He is going through something he says, and he has reacted by totally shutting me out. I think that while it's fine to need your space, shutting someone out is totally selfish. It's bothering me. It's not fair. I'm torn between not wanting to waste my time and get my heart broken, and wanting to be there for him and see this through. When it was good, it was really good. I don't meet men I can talk to easily. It's rarity and I want to keep that, if I can. I don't want to throw something away because of a rough patch, but is this a rough patch or is it him just being an asshole? I can't tell.
This is so emo. Ha.
He is going through something he says, and he has reacted by totally shutting me out. I think that while it's fine to need your space, shutting someone out is totally selfish. It's bothering me. It's not fair. I'm torn between not wanting to waste my time and get my heart broken, and wanting to be there for him and see this through. When it was good, it was really good. I don't meet men I can talk to easily. It's rarity and I want to keep that, if I can. I don't want to throw something away because of a rough patch, but is this a rough patch or is it him just being an asshole? I can't tell.
This is so emo. Ha.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Night of Truth
tonight...this is it, the night of truth. I'll see him tonight, and I have no idea where it is going. Ack.
Sunday, January 27, 2008
One Week
Like the Barenaked Ladies song of the same title, it's been one week since I got in a fight with P, and he is still not speaking to me.
It all degraded into a passive aggressive email battle, starting with me explaining why I was angry, and ending with him calling me selfish. True, I was being a bit selfish, and didn't consider his feelings, and I sent my apologies, but instead of being mature and dealing with it he has totally shut me out. It's not even so much that he's been busy and didn't have time to deal with it. I called and sent a text yesterday (the text because I got no answer or voicemail prompt) to say that I was still feeling bad about what happened and that my offer to make dinner still stands (hey, it's the girl version of sending flowers), and still got nada.
It's hurting me. I couldn't eat or sleep after it happened because my nerves were so shot. Now I'm just tired, and need a distraction. I'll see him tomorrow, but it's a group situation that will allow him to duck out early if he still wants to be silly about this, and I'm not sure how much I can allow this to go on before I snap and end it. I love him, but I can't do this. I can't have someone shut me out for weeks because they got upset at me and feel too busy to deal with it. Where does that leave me then? Who's the selfish one in that case?
It all degraded into a passive aggressive email battle, starting with me explaining why I was angry, and ending with him calling me selfish. True, I was being a bit selfish, and didn't consider his feelings, and I sent my apologies, but instead of being mature and dealing with it he has totally shut me out. It's not even so much that he's been busy and didn't have time to deal with it. I called and sent a text yesterday (the text because I got no answer or voicemail prompt) to say that I was still feeling bad about what happened and that my offer to make dinner still stands (hey, it's the girl version of sending flowers), and still got nada.
It's hurting me. I couldn't eat or sleep after it happened because my nerves were so shot. Now I'm just tired, and need a distraction. I'll see him tomorrow, but it's a group situation that will allow him to duck out early if he still wants to be silly about this, and I'm not sure how much I can allow this to go on before I snap and end it. I love him, but I can't do this. I can't have someone shut me out for weeks because they got upset at me and feel too busy to deal with it. Where does that leave me then? Who's the selfish one in that case?
Sunday, January 13, 2008
The Condom Curse
You're going to think I'm crazy when say this, but I have a curse. I call it the 'Condom Curse.' I swear on my life, EVERY time I buy condoms, I never get to use them with the guy I bought them to have sex with. It has happened every time for two years, without fail. It's a long vicious cycle; I start dating a guy, run out of condoms, and then in an effort to not be caught unprepared, I buy more. BUT before we have sex again, we break up, he stops calling, or it doesn't work out for some reason or another. Then all I'm left with is an unopened box of condoms, which seem to be mocking me in my night table drawer because I'm not having sex. I eventually start dating another guy and use them, but if I buy a new pack, the cycle is repeated.
I was in line at the grocery store the other day and saw the condoms by the register and remembered that I was out. BUT this time I remembered the Condom Curse, and I left them be. If he can't remember condoms, he shouldn't be having sex.
I was in line at the grocery store the other day and saw the condoms by the register and remembered that I was out. BUT this time I remembered the Condom Curse, and I left them be. If he can't remember condoms, he shouldn't be having sex.
Sunday, December 23, 2007
Undecided
There is a certain point when you're dating someone where you find yourself asking 'where is this going?' I avoided going there, and I'd still like to avoid going there, but I can't help it. I'm starting to question it. Mostly I question his motives. Is he really interested in being serious ever? Does he just want to date and see where it goes? Does he want me only for sex? I'm ok with the first two, and I don't even mind taking it slow and casual, but I'm not really into being the sex girl. Don't get me wrong, I love sex, but I want more than JUST sex.
He's pulling a Mr. Big on me...I get a little more interested and he's just pulling away. He made a huge deal about writing emails and how I never respond more than just a few words, and so since I've been gone I've written some longer emails to him about what I've been up to. He hardly answers me. Is he just giving me a taste of his own medicine? Is he busy and stressed? or is he just pulling away? UGH. Questions. I hate questions.
He's pulling a Mr. Big on me...I get a little more interested and he's just pulling away. He made a huge deal about writing emails and how I never respond more than just a few words, and so since I've been gone I've written some longer emails to him about what I've been up to. He hardly answers me. Is he just giving me a taste of his own medicine? Is he busy and stressed? or is he just pulling away? UGH. Questions. I hate questions.
Night #1
Night #1: I go out with my best friend Jen (aka Jenavieve, a nickname I created) to Hugos to go dancing. I felt hot and confident, and I could have sworn that Jen and I were the hottest girls there. We had a cocktail and then we made our way to the dance floor and I spotted a guy I liked the look of and gave him the eye. Of course he introduced himself and we talked and danced for a while. His group even bought us drinks......
....BUT....
.....THEY DITCHED US!
What the hell? I don't even get it, and I wasn't even out to get laid, only have a little fun.
I guess I can find consolance in the fact that I am dating a much hotter, more successful guy back home that isn't a firefighter, and makes more money. I'm just on holidays, and it was just an innocent flirtation night that went nowhere, unless you count making out with Jen for kicks as 'getting somewhere'
PS What would you rather be for a day? A member of the opposite sex? or an eagle?
....BUT....
.....THEY DITCHED US!
What the hell? I don't even get it, and I wasn't even out to get laid, only have a little fun.
I guess I can find consolance in the fact that I am dating a much hotter, more successful guy back home that isn't a firefighter, and makes more money. I'm just on holidays, and it was just an innocent flirtation night that went nowhere, unless you count making out with Jen for kicks as 'getting somewhere'
PS What would you rather be for a day? A member of the opposite sex? or an eagle?
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