2010 Survey

With 2010 Coming To an End:
1. Have you had any relationships this year?
nothing serious.

2. Have you had your birthday yet?
August

3. Kissed two people in the same night?
no

4. Pulled an all nighter?
yeah but it was on a plane...doesn't count.

5. Puked at all?
yees

7. Went Camping?
no..would be nice though!

8. Bought something(s)?
how do you NOT buy stuff?

9. Met someone special?
I met lots of cool people

10. Been out of the country?
several times

13. Hugged someone?
obviiously

14. Slept in someone elses bed?
ya

15. Got a job?
sadly no

16. Loaned out money?
I don't have money to loan

17. Gotten in a car accident?
no

18. Gone over your mobile phone bill?
no

19. Been called a slut?
not even close. But I'm not exactly getting around lately so it would be hard to.

20. Done something you regret?
slightly, but not that much.

2010: In The Beginning
Where did you go on New Years?:
I was here. I hosted a party

Who were you with?
pretty much most of the Berlin crowd

Did you make any resolutions?:
Yes: see post about resolutions.

2010: Your Love Life
Did you break up with anyone?:
Not exactly. He just stopped calling and I didn't make much of an effort to call him either.

Were you broken up with?
see above

Did you meet anyone special?:


Did you fall in love?:
didn't really get the chance.

2010: Friends and Enemies
Did you meet any new friends this year?:
yes

Did you dislike anyone?:
there will always be people you don't click with.

Did you make any new enemies?:
I don't really make "enemies"

Did you resolve any fights?:
I only had small fights; they were all resolved

Who was your closest friend?:
hard to say

Who did you grow apart from?:
a few people

Do you have any regrets when it comes to your friendships?:
sure. I wish I wasn't so bad at conversations and that I didn't talk to much.

2010: Your BIRTHDAY!
What did you do for your bday?
went for dinner at Delicie d'Italia

Did you have a party?:
dinner

Did you get any presents?:
yes

If so what was the best thing you got?:
I got nice things...I don't want to pick a favorite :)

2010 Wrap-Up:
Was 2010 a good year?:
yes!! :)

Do you think 2011 will top 2010?:
it has potential

Frustration

Ok, so if you've read my Facebook status updates today, I probably come across as really cranky and slightly evil. I am kind of cranky today.

Background: I ordered something from Amazon on Monday evening. It's a Christmas gift of sorts...I used some early Christmas money to buy the stuff. I'm an Amazon Prime customer (a service I pay for) so I get Prime delivery, which usually means next day, or the day after if you're ordering on a Sunday or after business hours. I was promised that, despite the holidays, my package would be here on December 22. It's not.

But that's not exactly what's annoying me. I didn't clarify that very well. Sure, it sucks, but stuff happens and the weather is bad and it WAS Christmas. I do think that German cities and highways could do a better job clearing the snow (I swear, every year it's like "what's this white stuff coming from the sky?") And I think that courier and postal companies should be hiring extra staff to deal with the high volume of the busiest time of year. But stuff happens and that's life.

What bugs me is the complete lack of information. It's left Amazon so it's not their responsibility really...it's in DHL's hands now. I think though, as a customer, I should be informed of the fact that my package could not be delivered on time. I know that they probably have a lot of late packages, but I don't feel that's an excuse. A little bit of customer service goes a really long way, and if you can't live up to promises as a business, it's your responsibility to notify your customers. This is marketing 101 people (really, it is!)

So, in a nutshell, it's not the fact that I didn't get my package on time that bugs me. It's that I was not informed about it.

Doppelganger!

I was watching Meet Me in St Louis this evening, and I noticed that the actress who plays Rose looks an awful lot like Leighton Meester (Gossip Girl's Blair Waldorf)!!





Styled very old-fashioned (40's meets 1903, when the movie is set) and a few years older, but look!

Snow Cat

Snow cat
Originally uploaded by DanieMarie

Petz thought he wanted to go outside....he was wrong.

I did put him out there. If he whines to go outside for long enough and wont give up, I put him out there so that he knows why he doesn't want to be there after all.

The Sound of Music

I was watching it this afternoon, and it's making me miss my family. My mom always cries at the part where Christopher Plummer sings this song at the end (unfortunately the clip from the actual movie is not available, so here's the Vienna Boys Choir instead), and apparently I do too now. My dad hates the movie, but I have really fond memories watching it with my mom, and it usually plays on or around Christmas on TV in Canada (or maybe it's an American channel?) My Oma loved it too....it combined two of her big loves: musicals and the Alps. The movie reminds me of her a little bit and always will.



Missing everyone in Canada!

Thankful #2

I'm thankful that I've gotten back the ability to laugh myself to tears.

Holidays

I'm on a self-imposed holiday of sorts. I think it's important to organize my studies, and I plan the occasional break from course work into that as well. I still do reading and review but I stop reading course guide books (these are the written material that replace lectures in my program). Doing correspondence requires that you create your own structure, after all.

Anyway, it's been somewhat of a nice holiday. I've caught up on my Gilmore Girls reruns, did some crafts and slept a bit more, but also caught up on Harvard Business Review articles, articles I missed in Economist back issues and my mountain of books to read (though I admit I've procrastinated a little with doing accounting exercises like I meant to. I'll still do it I swear!) I managed to do a bunch of research about MBA programs, which is a lot to take in but informative. And I've found the time to cook, blog and watch an internet video series called "Very Mary Kate" (see last post). Anyway, in all, not half bad!

Very Mary Kate

http://verymarykate.com

Is it wrong that I find this so hilarious? I don't even think she resembles Mary Kate much, but the character is pretty funny as an original.

What Would Doc Brown Think?

I was watching Back to the Future tonight (ahhhh the joy of sort-of winter holidays!) and in the beginning of the movie Doc Brown wants to go 25 years into the future....


...Which would have landed him in 2010! What would Doc Brown think? In the end, he ends up going ahead 30 years instead, which places him in 2015, not too far off, and when he comes back the DeLorean can fly and it's powered by garbage fuel. While I don't know about 4 and a bit years in the future, but at the moment, while there are some cars that manage to be powered on kinds of waste (there's a car in my hometown that runs on old deep fryer grease) they're sort of still working on the flying car thing. Would Doc have been disappointed? Or would iPhones and the internet be fascinating enough?

Texty

I still can't believe that Mathias texted me on Saturday. For those of you that don't know, I dated Mathias in early spring this year. He couldn't commit, and he stopped calling. I haven't heard from him in 8 months, and he thinks he can just text me? Does he think I'm desperate and/or easy? That he can just text after several months of zero contact and that I'll somehow respond positively? I didn't answer, but I was just really tempted to text "You've got to be kidding me" back. Some guys...

Advent Calendar

Advent calendar
Originally uploaded by DanieMarie

You're never too old for an advent calendar!

2010 Resolutions

Ok, I realize that 2010 isn't -quite- over yet, but it's close enough that I think I can post about the progress I made on this year's New Years resolutions.

Before I start, I want to mention that when I make a resolution, it's not really an empty thing I do because it's New Years and everyone else is doing it. When I make them, I intend to stick with them. I don't save goal-setting for New Years as well either...I make goals throughout the year, some of them short-term and some of them long-term; however New Years is a convenient time to set new goals because of the "new start" symbolism that goes with it. Anyway my resolutions were:

-Spend less time on the computer
-Get back to the healthy diet I kept in the summer of 2009.
-Quit buying books on Amazon.
-Save money.
-Learn better housekeeping.
-Practice French.

I did pretty well. I'll list progress in point form:
-I do spend less time on the computer, and the time I do spend is used more wisely (looking up and printing articles for school, doing other research that could be helpful to my studies, such as a growing interest in demographics, blogging, writing other stuff).
-After I made my resolutions post in January, I went on a fat binge that especially got larger after I went to Athens and decided that copious amounts of olive oil makes food taste AWESOME. By the summer, I had gained 15 lbs and didn't fit into any of my "fitted" clothes. I decided to renew my commitment to eating healthy, exercising and losing weight. It was a slow start at first because I had just made progress on the exercise and not the diet to go with it, but after I got sick in September I was able to change my eating habits and moderate my cheese and olive oil intake. Today (yes, TODAY) I weighed myself and I've hit my weight goal! Go me. While weight isn't everything, I also fit into my clothes again, and the mirror is showing me my good work as well. so yep...check!
-While I never -quit- buying books on Amazon, I do buy significantly less of them than in 2009. As a reader I'm always tempted to actually OWN all the books I want to read, but I've learned to just buy some of them and put a halt as I catch up on actually -reading- them and be more content with keeping a wishlist on Amazon should I decide to read more later. I also check my online spending on other products by avoiding impulse purchases and only buying things that fulfill a specific and genuine need, and I still compare prices both on and offline before I make them.
-I've assessed my spending and cut some things, and in the fall I reassessed my budget. Unfortunately this reassessment showed me that even on my basic needs, costs are more than I had originally budgeted. Trying to cut this further is proving difficult. for example, basic food doesn't really do it for me. For one, because of my allergies I have to eat meat at least a few times a week to get enough protein, and I can't seem to curb buying nicer, high quality foods. I do buy seasonally and this saves me money, and gardening in the summer helps. Though, these things don't seem to make a massive enough impact to help my budget all that much. My household costs are also higher than I originally thought. Going into this place being a first-time homeowner, I didn't really think of all the expenses that I'd have for maintenance and such. Things like deck oil every year (3 cans for 2 coats, over 90 Euro) to protect the balcony...stuff like that. As a renter I never had these expenses. Anyway...
-I HAVE learned better housekeeping. I'm still no Martha Stewart (or even as nitpicky as I was in Canada) but my house is cleaner and tidier than it was this time last year and I'm working out better long-term organization solutions for my stuff.
-I enrolled in a French class in the fall. I intend on continuing in January!

So...not half bad!

I have to think of what my resolutions should be for 2011.

Miss/Ms/Mrs

Dear Germans,
When communitcating/corresponding in English, and you're speaking to a woman who is either unmarried or you don't know her marital status, you use "Ms" not "Mrs." And if I'm talking to you and correct you, don't tell me that in Germany you say "Mrs" and continue calling me "Mrs. Griffin" because we are speaking in English, and that's not how we roll. For a country that's so concerned with English ability, it just amazes me that people wont accept this.

For some reason it bugs me. When we learn German, we learn that "Fraulein" is outdated, and that you just use "Frau" regardless of marital status. It's a cultural difference but sometimes these come to play with language and etiquette. Now, sometimes someone just doesn't know, and that's fair enough....maybe they didn't learn enough English to get the subtle differences with these things. I get that, because I run into it with German still...sometimes the little things count and it might not always be something you learned in class. But I think if someone corrects you and their a native speaker, you shouldn't argue with them because that's what's done in your native language. I've had this happen a few times. And for people using a high level of business English, you should have learned this already. No excuses.

Mondays

Unlike Garfield, I do not hate Mondays.

I kind of like that feeling of starting the week. It's like New Years Day, on a much smaller scale. Whatever went wrong last week has a chance to be redeemed or forgotten, and whatever went right has a chance to grow.

Cats on the Internet

The joys of Facebook turned up this tonight: http://theoatmeal.com/comics/cat_vs_internet (You'll have to copy and paste this into a new window....hyperlinking hates me right now).

I laughed. I love cat humour. I love it so much that if I stay home on a Friday night to "study" I'll spend at least some of that time looking at LOLCats or something similar. I'm curious though; how come there are so many cat pictures and videos on the net and so few dog ones (at least relative to cats)? Dogs are hilarious in real life, but somehow they're less funny on the internet. I don't know why, but somehow this makes me go "meh":



and that was the funnies dog picture I could come up with in a quick Google search. But this makes me LOL:

http://edwardcheever.files.wordpress.com/2010/03/cat-internet-failure.jpg

or this:



Who am I kidding? A quick Google search of Cat + Internet yields a lot.

Damn you distracting internet cats!

Baby, it's cold outside

Let it snow!

Snow

It's freezing, but lovely

Blowdryer

I swear, my new Babyliss Ionic blowdryer is WAY better than my old Braun. My hair dries faster, gets less damaged and styles easier with it. And it cost 10 Euros less than the old one!

Monday Morning

I've been a bit up and down lately. I was more in a funk yesterday...I just had one of those days where I kept questioning whether or not I'm making the right choices in my life right now and if I'm choosing the right career path, and maybe if I gave up on my old dreams. I guess any time you start something new (school, job search...whatever) you question it. I don't want what I used to want, but somehow that's really hard and I don't know why. I feel like I'm a completely different person.
I'm in a better mood this morning though. Things don't feel so dramatic. Maybe I was just really tired last night.

You Can't Always Get What You Want

This song was perfect for the end of the 60's I think.

"Maybe I'm Just Too Young"

I love this song so much. It just really hits home somehow. In a way, it feels like the way a lot of guys have been with me in the past ("sometimes a man gets carried away, when he feels like he should be having his fun"...I tend to attract the non-committal type ), as well as the fact that maybe that's been because "maybe I'm just too young" myself and never picked the right sorts of guys in the first place.
I love Jeff Buckley's voice as well. He died far too young. He was an amazingly talented songwriter, guitar player and singer.

(PS I posted the live version, as content from Sony Music is not available on YouTube in Germany. One day, I hope that German record label divisions will get their heads out of their asses and allow content on the net, but so far that hasn't happened yet).

Confession...

I confess that I just don't like Sex and the City as much as I used to when I was younger. It can still be fun, but sometimes if I watch it I'm just like "gahhhhh you're morons."

I think when I was 20 it was fascinating because they lived in New York and Carrie has a lot of designer clothes. But now I'm kind of like "yeah right Carrie, you're either MASSIVELY in debt, or this is fantasy land" (the latter is true in the show). And don't get me wrong, I'd LOVE to go to New York but it's not like it's the end-all-be-all. I've been in several fab places (London, Paris...even Vancouver is pretty cool) and I live in Berlin, which might be "poor" but it's still "sexy."
When I was a little older, 22 or 23, I loved it because they made all the same dating mistakes I did then. But I like to think I'm at least sort of past that now. Or maybe I'm the moron.

Just Wonderful

I feel just wonderful today!

I woke up a bit groggy at 7:30 and hit snooze until 8, but I still hit my goal of getting up earlier than I was. And I'm not too tired. A coffee will make me normal...I've been REALLY good about taking my vitamins and I can see the difference!
I also got on the scale and I lost another pound! I know that no one else noticed that I'd gained 15 pounds earlier in the year, but I sure did...I didn't fit into a lot of my clothes. I could only wear looser-fitting stuff and definitely not anything tailored. It just made me feel really lumpy and unsexy, and anyway I really like some of those clothes! I was also afraid that if I didn't check things, I'd gain more and wouldn't fit into ANY of my clothes, and on my budget there's no way I could afford a nice all-new wardrobe. Anyway I've lost 12 lbs (11.7 actually, but I'm not in weight watchers and I can round off!) now and EVERYTHING fits. I'm still 3 lbs away from my "goal," but I wont be overly choked if I stay this weight because ultimately, it wasn't -that- much of a numbers goal, it was a fitting goal and I hit it! I'll never fit into some of the stuff I had when I was 21, but I was 2 inches shorter then and still had my crazy-skinny teenage body. So I think I"ll go through some of that and see what I still like, and what of that is alterable into a bigger size, or into another piece of clothing (I think my green wool trousers that I LOVE have enough fabric for a skirt!)
Also, I had the most AMAZING bath last night. I was in there for over an hour just reading, listening to music and relaxing. I was so relaxed I managed to slip into a meditative state that borderlined on a spiritual experience. I don't let myself just chill out like that nearly enough. I spend too much time worrying about Uni and jobs and money etc, etc, etc.

It's SNOWING out! I really hate snow after about Christmas and I'm not only sick of it but also it's that grey, old snow that looks all gross and depressing, but this time of year when it's new and fresh, I love it. It's cold and I hate cold, but snow is SO much brighter than rain and I like light. Also it softens sounds and you get that quiet, "snowing" vibe going on.

Time Management

Lately I've been trying to do more with my time than I have been for the past few years. I always feel better and more motivated when I'm getting more done. In middle school and high school, I kept up top marks, did theater after school and clubs often at lunch, took guitar, piano and singing lessons (including practice time) and at various times also did dance class (grade 8+11), volleyball (grade 8), Job's Daughters (grades 7+8), Children's Choir (grades 5-10). I also kept up my social life and hung out with friends on the weekend, went to open mic and coffee house nights, and kept up a lot of hobbies like making clothes, writing and stuff like that...I did lots of stuff. I slowed down a little bit in university, but that's really a relative term. By my last year, I studied full time and kept up my grades, worked part time, and still had the time to practice singing, piano, guitar (which, admittedly was part of my studies, but it still took time aside from my academic courses and I played music that wasn't jazz sometimes), wrote, made clothes, and still had time to hang out with friends a lot and go to on mini trips all over Vancouver Island every few weeks.
When I moved to Germany I slowed down a LOT. Maybe I needed that....just time to sit back and enjoy life a little. But I think I'm much happier being busy. It's hard to get back into the swing of my old life in my new life...I guess it's a habit and I'm not in that habit anymore. But I'm trying. I started university again full time last year, and this year I'm working on organizing my house a lot, and I started French classes and Toastmasters. I'd like to maybe do kickboxing (something I've talked about for over a year but still haven't got the guts to do) or piano lessons again. I'm also looking for a job. I'd really like to add more of my artistic stuff back in though, in a fuller way like I managed to in the past.
I guess part of it is also that I have a LOT more responsibility now than I did then (I didn't have to spend time calling electricians or oiling my deck before, for example), and I had a car to do errands with as well. But I still feel like I could be doing -more-.

Online

I've been thinking about my online life a lot lately, and how it can affect me. I'm particularly concerned about it at the moment, as I am looking for a job and I'm thinking forward about my career and possibly grad school and I'm concerned about how things online could affect my professional (and maybe even personal) image. It's not something I gave a lot of thought to before, but if I google myself it's surprising what comes up. I've ended up editing quite a few profiles (quite a few seem difficult to delete entirely). Stuff I haven't used in ages, like hi5 (an early pre-facebook, pre MySpace social networking site), profiles on modeling sites...stuff like that. I also totally forgot about LinkedIn, and that could be a helpful site to use so I updated it. But anyway, it's really surprising how stuff about you just ends up on the internet....like things you wrote years ago, pictures from who-knows-when...it all seems to linger.

New haircut!

I'm really happy with it!

Going to try something new

For those that don't know, I suffer from seasonal depression. I actually have depressive tendencies year round, but I'm able to manage things much better during the Spring/Summer seasons. During SAD season (like my pun there?) I have to resist the urges I get to park myself on the sofa and mind-meld with the TV until March. I have a number of things that I do to prevent myself from getting too down; I try to eat properly, I take a ton of vitamins, I exercise, I involve myself in projects, I work hard to keep my home clean. But sometimes I still just feel myself slumping. This is one of those times, so I thought I'd try something new.

Whenever I can, I want to post something I'm thankful for or happy about. I hope it doesn't get too annoying, but it's more helpful to share with people than it is to just write in a journal, for some reason.

Today, I'm thankful that I'm starting to make real career goals.

Airbrush Overload!

Ok so I was going for a walk tonight, and I went by a video store and saw a poster for the video release of Sex and the City 2. I don't know how I NEVER noticed this before, but while they're all heavily edited, Kim Cattrall doesn't even look like herself. In fact, when I saw the poster from the corner of my eye, I thought I was looking at the poster for a new Rachel McAdams movie.

Seriously:







One of these things is not like the others, and it's not the one it's supposed to be.

Beauty tips I thought of just now because I'm bored...

1) MAC eye primer....not just a useless product.
When I was first introduced to this product buying eyeshadow at MAC several years ago, my first instinct was to think that this was the most bullshit product I've ever heard of. True, when they used it, it did make my eyeshadow last longer and the colours were more brilliant, but I chalked that up to the fact that MAC hires people that can actually do makeup properly. A few years ago though, I was somehow compelled to try the product at home, and this resulted in a fact that MAC does NOT want you to know. Their seemingly-pointless 17 Euro product works, but it also has the same result on cheap 3 Euro eye-shadow. So basically, you can get the "MAC" effect with a lot less money. MAC would want you to think that you need their full range of eye products to complete that look, but the primer alone will accomplish this.
I'd also like to note that I tried the cheaper Art Deco primer, and while it was decent, it's a smaller size and not that much cheaper, and it totally dried out halfway through use. So don't bother. I haven't seen any cheaper companies make something similar, maybe because people that want to save money on cosmetics don't buy seemingly retarded products like eye-shadow primer.
2) Olive oil is the best moisturizer ever invented.
Normally if someone would suggest beauty tips from the ancient world, I'd flinch. I mean, this was the days before washing machines and shampoo. BUT, regular bathing was a popular social event amongst the ancient Romans, and the ancients managed such feats as astronomy, paved roads and breeding cats to control mice populations. So when I read that ancient Romans cleansed by applying oil to the skin and scraping it off, I was kind of intrigued. This was supplimented by the fact that olive oil is still regularly used in cosmetics throughout the mediterranean (seriously, don't even BUY tanning oil....just use scented olive oil). I was curious how I could turn this ancient technique into a modern beauty practice. Before I go further, I'd like to mention that 1) it doesn't make a good cleanser, so I think that the Romans weren't really on the ball with that one, and 2) if you have oily skin, using olive oil as a moisturizer makes about as much sense as eating butter to lose weight. But it's wonderful for very dry skin like mine. While the Romans applied it to their skin and used scrapers to take it off, I did the following: I used scented olive oil (which means, I poured some normal olive oil into a bottle, and added a few drops of lavender and rose essential oil), applying it to my face and leaving it on for about 30 minutes (too long will result in a break out, even for the dry skinned). I then used an exfoliant to remove it. It cost next to nothing, and left my skin smoother than any product I've ever purchased. EVER.
3) Salmon Oil. Take it, seriously. Make sure it's good quality and actually rich in Omega-3. Some farmed salmon are fed poor diets and are actually lacking in this, but anything quality should be high in Omega-3 oil. Take it regularly, and watch your skin get awesome. And your hair. And you'll burn less in the sun. And apparently all sorts of health and brain benefits....

Healing

I haven't written in a long time....life got busy, and then BAM I got sick for almost 3 weeks. It was pretty bad...probably the sickest I've ever been in my life. It was really more one thing after another rather than one big thing. I got a mild allergy attack on Monday a few weeks ago that left me feeling weak and cranky for a few days. Then I got my period early. I've struggled with really, really bad cramps my whole life, and the pill took care of it for a long time, but lately they've been coming back. I changed my prescription to a new pill, but I had to wait until my next cycle to start it. So I wasn't on the pill for a month, and I got HORRIBLE cramps. Like so bad that I didn't even want to move. For those that aren't in the know about this sort of thing, advil does NOT help with this kind of pain. In my teens I was even on some pretty hardcore anti-inflammatory meds to help it and they didn't help either. Anyway, it was bad. Saturday (this was 2 weeks ago) rolled around, and I started feeling really nauseous. Sunday nausea was gone but I couldn't stop sneezing. Monday I started to have a killer sore throat, and it didn't go away, so Friday I went to the doctor. She told me I had strep and likely also a bit of a viral infection, so basically I had 2 sicknesses at once. I got put on antibiotics and was told to rest up. I thought that would be the end of it, except Saturday I decided to go out to a birthday dinner. Didn't seem strenuous, and I planned on going home early and going to bed. Just a bit of food, no alcohol, no harm right? Probably, except on the way I stopped to get a gift, and I got pretty hungry. I'd barely eaten all week (I was pretty nauseous from the strep). I got a turkey sandwich at Kamps to tide me over, since by the time I got there, decided and ordered it would probably be a couple of hours until I ate. BAD CHOICE. Turns out the "turkey" was mixed with soy (I'm going to bet that's what it was anyway) and I went into anaphylactic shock on my way there. I'd run into Dave, Mark and Darina in the train station on the way there and they saw me progress from sneezing a bit to almost passing out. I ended up getting a cab home with Darina (I can't be alone if I'm having an allergy attack...I can actually die and someone has to be there to call an ambulance if something goes wrong). Anyway it was pretty hard on my body, especially since I was recovering from the other stuff and my body had been through stress even before I got sick. I felt HORRIBLE the next day and it was a slow recovery during the past week. Usually when I get sick, my immune system kicks in pretty fast and I get healthy quickly, but I think my body was just under too much stress at once. Anyway, I'm still getting better but I'm almost 100% now....just coughing up some stuff still and slightly stuffy, but otherwise good. The only other problem is that all my muscles hurt, and not in an achy flu sort of way. I suspect it's from lying in bed and on the couch for 3 weeks. I've had this before when I didn't exercise. My body likes to move and I get sore when no movement happens. Plus neither my bed nor my couch are good for back support, and if I get bad back pain my whole body tends to get sore as well. I'm a bit too weak to do full on workouts still, but I've been easing myself back in by doing yoga. I started with 20 minutes, then 30, then an hour today and in a couple of days I'm going to try a more intense yoga workout, then maybe move onto dance and then my regular stationary bike routine. The exercise also helps my breathing and clears out my sinuses a bit, ups my appetite (which is still pretty low) and keeps my energy up in the day. Hopefully I'll be 100% back to normal by next week!

Anyway, sorry if that was long and a bit too much information!

FML

I'm in SUCH a bad mood this week. Like worse than I've been in the last few years. I just want to break something, or scream, or break something while screaming. It's times like this that I wish I had a punching bag that I could just go postal on. I hate everything right now. I hate it outside. I hate my apartment. I hate me, I hate everyone else, I hate it here and I hate the world.

It's just a series of little things really. I had an allergic reaction, I broke my iPhone, I've been sleeping terribly and despite working out for an hour a day, almost every day, I STILL don't fit into most of my autumn clothes, and it's getting cold out. I feel like a WHALE. And I have RAGING PMS, a week early and starting to get pretty painful cramps to match (thanks pill switch! Thanks for making a WONDERFUL week just THAT much better!) JOY.

What I REALLY REALLY want, is to just pass out, and wake up on Monday. Fuck this week. FML.

Creatively lackluster

I'm going through the creative 'blahs' the past few weeks. I keep starting things and then not knowing how to finish them, and I find most of my ideas a little bland. I keep trucking through things, just in the name of keeping up the habit and hoping something pops up (in music, writing, fashion...ANYTHING) but so far little luck. I thought I got a good guitar riff going the other day, but it didn't really turn into much, so I just tried to remember it and put it on the back burner.
I suppose we all go through this, right?

In the mean time, I'm going through a re-found love of exercise. I hope this leads to my body's re-found love of fitting into a size 0. My clothing is still a little tight after a year of being a bit lazy (in the exercise department.)

The Last Couple of Weeks

I've been quite busy. Too busy to blog! So bear with me, this is going to be a very long entry. But there will be some pictures! I'll go through day by day.

Monday, June 14th
I woke up after slipping into a sort-of jet lag coma on Sunday night. I got up fairly early, at 6-ish. I lounged around for a while until Jess woke up, then we had breakfast and went through a walk through James Bay. It's a beautiful neighbourhood, and it's cleaned up a lot since I was last there (years ago, before I left Canada.) I met Corrine for coffee at Ogden's Point Cafe, which is a lovely cafe right on the point, overlooking the breakwater. Afterward, we walked all the way down the Breakwater. It was quite windy; I felt like I was going to blow away! Great views though. In the evening I ate sockeye salmon with Jess, then Jen came over to watch DVDs (Center Stage and Down With Love.)

Tuesday June 15
We got up early-ish to go wine tasting. Only two wineries were open, but both were well worth it. Church & State was a bit more "commercial" but they had a couple of wines I really loved (I bought a bottle of the rose, which surprised me because it was quite dry.) Muse was eclectic and there were some interesting notes in the wine (the bottle of Pinot Gris had distinctive apple notes.) You don't think of wine when you think of BC, especially coastal BC, but Island wines are actually wonderful. They're very artful. I think they have to put the effort in because they don't have the large productions and reputations that more well-known wine regions have. People who open wineries over here are also extremely dedicated to wine-making and know a LOT about wine!
We went to Red Barn (a farm market) and got some fruits and veggies for dinner, and Jess hosted Jen and Ryan, and Eric (as well as myself of course) for appys. We chatted, had wine, and some great food!

Wednesday, June 16
I spent the day with Matt, which was really awesome. I bussed over to his place, and then we went over to Sooke Potholes, which is a place in the Sooke River that has these deep spots and is great for swimming (http://www.sookepotholes.com/) We didn't swim, because even though it was warm weather, it wasn't super hot, and the water was still freezing cold. Also, I forgot my bathing suit in Berlin :( We had some junk food, and basically hung around in the sun. Then we went back into Victoria and cooked me an awesome steak dinner and we played Trivial Pursuit, which is the awesomest game ever.

Thursday, June 17
Headed over to French Beach. On the way, we stopped at the Meadery, which was interesting because I found the mead a lot different than the mead I've had in Europe. It was a lot drier. It was really cloudy and windy, but we had a nice picnic and goofed around on the beach and playground (there were no children there.) That evening, we ate at Ferris's Oyster Bar, which has amazing food and drinks. If you're there, the downstairs is more of a pub style, but if you go to the second door (on the outside), which leads up some stairs, that's where the actual oyster bar is, and the space is AMAZING. I really can't describe it because in words it doesn't sound all that cool, but I'll upload my pictures later.

Friday, June 18
We had a fun day of shopping, then went back to town for some gelato and salt water taffy (my HUGE guilty pleasure. I love it so much!) That evening, I went to my aunt and uncles house for dinner, which was really nice because I haven't seen them in years. My cousins, Louis and Colin, are SO much older than I remembered! I couldn't believe it...nothing will make you feel old than family members you remember as children suddenly popping up as teens.
After dinner, I met up with Jen, Ryan, Jess and Mandy at the Sticky Wicket, and we had some nachos, which I barely touched, but BC has this stupid law that EVERYONE in the food area of a pub MUST be eating, or else you can't sit there, and it was too crowded in the rest of the bar to sit there, and Jen and Ryan really did want food. Afterwards, we were going to go out dancing, but everywhere in the area was SO incredibly crowded, and waiting in the long lines really killed the mood, so we just went home.

To be continued....

Canadiana

I'm in Victoria!

My trip was long. It was a 15 hour plane ride all together, with two stopovers. The guy sitting next to me on my flight from Amsterdam to Calgary was hot, and I found it really distracting. At moments, I found myself talking way too much, which is what I tend to do when I'm really nervous. It was also really unfortunate to be sitting next to a hot guy on a plane, because I always feel really gross when I fly. Something about the recycled air for several hours. In Calgary I thought they lost my luggage and almost missed my next plane as I tried to find it. Turns out they put it in oversized luggage, but never told me. Luckily the long security line moved quickly, because I -just- caught the plane to Vancouver. I was really tired by the time I got to Vancouver, and I fell asleep waiting for the ferry to Victoria. I also slept through half the ferry ride, which is too bad because that route is really beautiful. I caught some of it though! The girls were waiting for me at the terminal in Victoria, but I was pretty beat by then!

The biggest thing that hit me right away about Canada is how incredibly friendly people are! Everyone says how nice Canadians are and it's really true. I didn't notice it when I lived here, but after living in Berlin, which has that big city brutality (like most other big cities), it's really obvious and welcome. A guy offered to help me with my bags when I was getting off the bus, and when you bump into people, they apologize, even if it's totally your fault. On the downside, Victoria is INCREDIBLY expensive. Like one of the most expensive places I've ever been actually.

I've had a great time so far though! Saturday I shopped a bit with Jen, then she made this awesome basalmic barbeque chicken, and we went to the Mint for drinks. Sunday I was pretty dead, but we went to see Jen dance and I met Matt for dinner. I passed out at 8 pm though. I woke up this morning just before 7 am, and went for a walk around James Bay, then met Corrine at Ogden's Point, which I haven't really been to since I was a kid, and it was really cool (but INSANELY windy...I felt like I was going to blow away!) The cafe there was nice too...it overlooks the water.

Pics to follow!

Lazy Days

After my exams, and a week of being completely productive, I'm finding myself very lazy this week. Which is maybe not the best time, because I have a lot to do. House cleaning, getting stuff ready for Canada, editing and writing.....

You remind me of the babe...

...the babe with the power. The power of voodoo, who do, you do?"

The Labyrinth is just as entertaining now as it was back in the day. David Bowie in a codpiece and a killer mullet? Jim Henson puppets? What's not to like? I guess being a kid in the 80's and early 90's, those movies all hold a certain nostalgia value for me. Especially the fantasy films from the 80's that I grew up watching on VHS, like the Princess Bride, Willow, the Never Ending Story. Even SciFi and adventure movies like Star Wars, Ewoks (apparently the first movie I ever watched all the way through), and Indiana Jones. Love them.

Getting Better....Sort Of

Lately, I've been haunted by the Beatles song "Getting Better." Which isn't a bad song to be haunted by; it's positive and upbeat. I hear it in my sleep, it gets stuck in my head, and everywhere I go I seem to see the words "Getting Better" written everywhere (books, magazines, ads, etc.) It's kind of true too. Things are looking up. I maybe have a bit of income coming in (hopefully...cross our fingers. I'm crazy superstitious and don't want to jinx it.)
But I keep feeling like every time things look up, something drags me back. In this case, it's a 1,000 Euro electric bill from my old apartment (which turns out, I didn't properly register due to my crappy German and lack of help at the time.) Also, my floors need to be redone, which I want to DIY but my dad is being really pushy about getting done professionally, which I appraised and will cost around 5,500 Euro. I feel, that I want to at least attempt to DIY it, as I can't even afford to do these floors in increments. If I saved a thousand Euros a year (which is impossible for me at this point) it would take me FIVE years to pay for them. That's how crazy that idea is.
I'm trying not to let this get me down though. I know that I have to just keep trying to get my income up, and then hopefully I can be able to save a bit so I can handle stuff like this in the future. It's hard. My first instinct when stuff like this happens is to shoot myself down and regret all the choices I've made in my life, and just feel down on myself. But I'm determined to not do that now. I can only work toward the future, because the future is the only part of my life I can change.

Ahhhhhhhhhh

Didn't catch the bus...seems I really suck at flagging them down. So no Sounio today :(. I will have to save that for my next trip...I've already established that, as well as going to the islands, my next trip to greece will involve renting a car and driving into the mountains, and along the coast.
On a positive note, I met a girl from Berlin in the sitting room of the hostel. Small world!

Waiting

I made it to Delphi just fine after all. I took a taxi to the bus station, as I am always running a little late and I didn't want to chance missing the bus. The guy at the hostel told me it would cost about six euro, but since Athenian cab drivers are horribly corrupt, it cost nine. The bus ride was exceptionally beautiful. It started off looking just like any highway anywhere in the world, but then we drove into the mountains. I'd really like to rent a car some day and drive through there again. That's the thing about travelling...you always find places you'd like to see again in more detail.
I'm actually glad I went to Delphi alone. I could take my time at the site and experience it in my own way. Sitting by the temple of Apollo was almost a religious experience for me; I had an epiphany that everything is alright in my life. I finished the site and museum just in time for closing, with an hour to spare before taking the bus back to Athens. I spent it in a little cafe with a very friendly owner drinking Greek coffee and checking facebook.
I got back to Athens and took the city bus back with some Dutch girls that are on an exchange here. I didn't know that you couldn't buy a ticket on the bus, so I rode schwartz, as we say in Germany, but luckily they check tickets on buses and trams about as much as in Berlin (almost never.)

Today I checked out the Monastiraki flea market, which was one of the best flea markets I've been to in the world. Even though it's in every guidebook on Athens in the world, i saw surprisingly few tourists and didn't hear any English. I bought a small hand mirror. If I lived in Athens or had any way of transporting things back home, I could have furnished my entire apartment with things I found there. Top things that I longed to bring home with me but couldn't included a BEAUTIFUL carved wood screen, and a side table with inlaid wood. Next I headed to the shop of the "poet sandal maker," which I'd read about. This guy is a famous Greek poet, but he also makes sandals, and has sold sandals to Sophia Loren, Paul McCartney and Jackie O. He's also been written up in pretty much every fashion magazine in the world. I had to have a pair, and at 27 euro the didn't make me broke.
I plan to head over to Sounio this afternoon. I somehow managed to miss my last bus, even though I was there, so I'm waiting to take the next one (the stop is just outside the hostel.). It's only an hour and a half to get there and the last bus is at 6, so I should be ok.

Athens, baby!

I'm in Athens! I've been here a couple of days already and I'm having a blast! The first couple of days were rainy but now it's very sunny, and the air smells like ocean and orange blossoms. My first day I checked into the hostel and wandered around the plaka a bit, then I went back and met the three French girls that were staying in my room. On Wednesday we walked through the acropolis together then spent the rest of the day shopping in tourist-trap plaka, which was awesome because I bought some funky sandals and a Greek peasant blouse. That night we went to a greasy spoon that really reminds me of Dancing Zorbas in My Big Fat Greek Wedding. It's run by a family and the woman is a typical Greek mom. It doesn't look like much inside, but they are so friendly and the food is amazing. So far, I've eaten there every night since then.
Yesterday, I was going to go on a tour to nafplio that was organized by the hostel, but it was canceled. There were also transit strikes, so I couldn't get there myself. Instead, I went with the French girls up this hill that has a chapel, and you can see the whole city. I walked down alone because it was so beautiful, and I loved to see the olive trees, aloe plants, sage and Rosemary growing wild. We met up for dinner again and then went for drinks in keramikos, which is super trendy. There was a duo playing covers of Greek pop songs, which was followed by a drag show. Wonderfully bizarre! I swear too, I've learned more French than Greek this trip! I'm motivated to try to totally relearn back in Berlin. It was a new years resolution anyway.
Today, I went to the agora with another French guy. My camera died early on...I think it's broken...but he kindly offered to send me photos. After we walked quite a distance to the archaeological museum, and it was totally worth it. It houses all the artifacts that come from the sites you visit in Athens as well as the rest of Greece..,at least, all the artifacts that weren't plundered over the years.
My tour to Delphi tomorrow has been cancelled, so I'm going to try to go on my own...,wish me luck!

Tomorrow, Tomorrow!

I'm going to Athens Tomorrow! Can't wait! I'm mostly packed and I got all my other stuff done so I'm pretty much set to go. Now all I have to do is get to sleep (easier said than done.) Luckily, my flight isn't too early tomorrow.

The cucumber and tomato seeds that I planted last week are sprouting already. Hopefully they do ok while I'm gone. At this stage when they're in the greenhouse flats I have they don't need so much water luckily.

Flower Power

Despite being in an exceptionally bad mood today, I've managed to chill out through the power of singing and planting seeds. I did a round of planting mid-February with semi-disappointing results. I think it was slightly too cool and too dark (even inside) for success. Still, I got a few tomato plants, basil plants and bell peppers out of the effort. I think the lettuce was still too dark and cool (and might do better just straight in the ground and not in peat pots), and the cucumbers and parsley were bad seeds (because they failed to grow anything last year either.) I bought new parsley and cucumber seeds and got together all the chili peppers that I'd ordered from the UK and got to work.
I planted:
-new tomatoes (I didn't get as many as I'd hoped so far, and also I don't like the variety I planted before so far. I know they're just seedlings, but they seem kind of wussy, so I bought the same ones I did last year instead.)
-thai dragon peppers
-jalepeno peppers
-scotch bonnet peppers (aka insanity peppers)
-purple tiger peppers (might plant more of these because they're beautiful looking plants as well. I like their leaves a lot)
-parsley
-cucumbers
-strawberries (I failed to water the last ones I'd planted, they didn't grow)
-pansies
-sweet williams
-some flower I planted last year that I really liked. I don't know what it's called in English.

I'll try the lettuce again when it's a bit warmer outside straight in their containers. It seems to come up really quickly anyway. I also want to do sweet peas and I have scarlet runners, but I think those will work better if I just plant them directly where they're supposed to go.

Spin

Wow...I'm really tired today. Staying up almost every night, all night to watch Canada play hockey in the Olympics is starting to catch up with me. Almost over though. We're not playing tonight and the game tomorrow starts at a very reasonable 9:15 PM. Tomorrow we play for gold!

I also feel like a study zombie. I've started studying most of the afternoon and evening, an hour on and hour off, though today and yesterday I felt too dead to do quite as much as I did the rest of the week. I'm at that point where I'm getting TONS done but I feel like I don't know anything, and my exams are in 2 months. I go to Greece in just over a week though, so maybe that will give me a bit of time to just clear my head and give it some space.

Watching Julie and Julia right now and loving it, though it's making me very hungry. Went out for Chinese last night for Kate's birthday dinner and it was really great. I haven't had chinese food at a restaurant since I left Canada! They brought my Sweet and Sour sauce and it had peas in it, even though I strongly specified that I couldn't have any peas in my food, but they were pretty good about it and made me new sauce sans peas. I don't know what to eat tonight, because I'm hungry but I really don't feel like cooking (even though I'm watching a movie about cooking.)

The Big Thaw

After a freezing winter of snow and ice, it seems like it's finally all melting. It's been above 0 for a few days and there are puddles everywhere. The snowman my friend Adam and I built a month ago on my balcony lost his head. As much as it's a slushy mess outside, this couldn't be more welcome. I realized that, though I like snow for a few days, after 2 months you just want it to melt. I'm so over winter. Bring on spring!

Wayne's World dubbed in German is somehow super entertaining.

Crap from Germany

*Disclaimer: I do NOT hate German music. There is lots of great music that comes out of this country. I could make a big list of German artists and bands that I love, but I’ll save that for another post.*

Since I moved to Germany five years ago, I’ve heard a lot of shitty music. Like most people that move to a foreign country, sometimes I just don’t understand why certain things are popular. But every once and a while, a song comes out that makes me wonder how anyone…ANYONE…from anywhere can possibly like it. Germany isn’t alone in this; Sean Paul reached #1 internationally. I think I notice the crap more in Germany though because I’m on the outside looking in.

Anyway, this song is one of those songs. How it has reached #3 on the charts, I have no idea. I suspect that someone has sold their soul to Satan. And yes, one of the guys’ names is ‘Frauenartzt’, which means ‘Gynocologist.’ Classy. It's actually so bad, it's kind of funny.




Oh, and to be fair and not seeming to rag on German music, I hate that Ke$ha song that I can't escape, no matter where I go. It's not that it's particularly awful. It's just that it's so repetitive and insipid. And it is played 10000000000x a day. ProSieben uses it in their promo spots, it's on the radio, MTV, cafes....it's everywhere. When I hear that song, I feel sad because I know that I wont be able to get it out of my head for the rest of the day, which is unfortunate because I don't like it.

I want an adventure!

It started 2 days ago, on Sunday.

Shortly after I posted my last entry, I met my friend Kathie for a late sushi lunch. We got to talking and she told me about how she was looking at last minute travel deals to beat the ugly weather here, but how she didn’t find anything for when she had the time to go. It got me thinking that I’d love to do something like that. I always hold myself back because I want to save money, but something inside me told me to go anyway. When I got home, I started looking at various flights and hotels all over Europe and came up with a few promising options. After more research, Athens seemed like the best deal in early March. I was still hesitant, but I thought about it for a while and decided to take the plunge and go.
I think part of the reason I’ve been so up and down with Berlin lately is tied to my previous post. I don’t leave, and I don’t take advantage of what the city has to offer. Further thought brought me to the conclusion that I am not actually living my life. I socialize with friends, so at least that’s something, but I’m not doing things that I want to very often. I’m not having the kinds of experiences that I want to be having. Basically, I’m missing out. I always have a little voice inside my head that tells me ‘when I’m in a relationship it would be fun to do this stuff’ or ‘when I have a career and have more income I’ll go there’ and it just seems to me now that I’m waiting to live my life instead of actually living it. I don’t need to wait until my life is perfect to live it…I can do it now. It doesn’t have to cost me a lot and I can still save money for the future. I think it’s about balance. I’ve also had a creeping fear inside me for the past couple of years that I think holds me back from living my life. I find myself spending a lot of money on books and DVDs, and it’s like I live my life vicariously through fictional characters. This stops NOW. I have enough books to read for probably 2 years. I don’t need more books. I already subscribe to a DVD service and have lots of my own so I don’t need to buy DVDs either. Instead, I can spend that money DOING things. Great idea, huh?

So I did it. I booked a ticket to Athens. I leave on March 9 and return on the 15th. I’m not even a little nervous. In fact, I can’t wait!

Vancouver 2010, homesickness and wanderlust

The Vancouver 2010 Olympics opened on Friday, and I have to admit, watching the opening ceremonies has been making me pretty homesick. I wish I could be there amongst all the excitement. I’d wanted to visit, but the tickets cost a lot and since I’m mid-school right now it’s not a very convenient time to go.
All this is also bringing up some other stuff though that I have thought about for a couple of months now, but haven’t really told anyone. I’m not even really sure how I feel myself about this, but I sometimes wonder if I really want to stay in Berlin long-term. I used to want to make this place my home, and in a way I really feel like it’s become that kind of place for me, but there are some other things that also make me feel otherwise. For one, no matter what I do, I always feel like I’m a foreigner, and that I’m seen as a foreigner. I hold a German passport, but I’m still a foreigner because I have an accent. This really irritates me. I come from Canada, where it’s a mix of people and culture and no matter where you come from, you can fit in. Differences are celebrated and welcomed. I have great friends here, including Germans, but it’s not the same somehow. Maybe if I were born somewhere else and lived in Canada, I’d feel the same…who knows.
Also, I’m not doing any of the things that I wanted to when I came here. All the reasons that I say I love it here, I never do. It’s easy to get around Europe, but I never travel…when I say this to friends from back home, they go on and on and on about how cheap it is to travel here, but NOTHING is cheap when you don’t have an income. My standard of living (and therefore cost) has also gone up a lot since I moved here. I own an apartment, which has all sorts of associated costs. That’s a really big one. I’ve always wanted to have my own place but I also always wanted to travel and I didn’t necessarily want to do it when I was older and tied down with a career. I moved here because I wanted to travel while I was young, but instead of going on one big backpacking trip (I’ve never been attracted to the backpacking thing), I could go on weekends and see Europe. I’ve seen a few things, but I have still only been to a handful of European countries. Friends travel all the time and I really feel like I’m missing out, especially when I hear “You HAVEN’T been to Italy/London/Spain/Etc????” No, I haven’t. I really want to though. I also hardly ever take advantage of what Berlin has to offer. There are so many amazing things to do here but I only manage to do any of them every few months. This is a BIG reason that I came here and why I want to stay here, but I haven’t gotten into it enough either. Maybe I have to push myself and just go. Or maybe I don’t even value the things that I thought I did as much as I thought. I actually have no idea.
Part of me wonders if I should move back to Canada. Looking back though, when I’ve been back I haven’t wanted to stay and I’ve always been happy to come back here. Maybe my trip in June will make me appreciate Berlin more. Maybe if I left more in general, I’d appreciate Berlin more. I think it’s hard to appreciate where you are if you never see anything else.
In a way, I don’t want to move. All my stuff is here, and that sounds like a silly reason to stay, but I’m comfortable and I’ve never really had that before. Moving things and having house sales and renting out my apartment just feels so daunting and overwhelming that I don’t really want to do it unless I had a really, really good job offer or found someone I couldn’t live without. But does that mean I shouldn’t consider career options outside of Berlin? Should I focus on continuing to build my life here or should I just keep my options open and see if it takes me somewhere else after all? Maybe I’m just having jitters because I’ve been here almost 5 years and that’s a good period of time to start reassessing life.

Just Me

I think I'm finally at the point where I'm happy being alone. If you're not involved with someone, you can't get hurt. Sometimes I feel lonely still, but if I do I just go see friends or hang out with the cat, or call someone in Canada.
I'll date again at some point, but I really don't feel any rush or pressure anymore. I'm not giving up, but I don't feel like putting much effort into dating either. I'm fine as is.

*Yawn*

I'm so tired lately. I don't know what's up with me, but I feel like I could just sleep forever. I didn't take iron pills in a week so that probably didn't help me much, but it's also really dark and cold out right now. It's like a recipe for low energy.
I made my favourite indulgence food...Mexican Pizza (basically, pizza with salsa instead of tomato sauce, seasoned beef, jalepenos and topped with sour cream). it's 11 pm. Go me.

2010...New Start

It's now past the halfway point of January 2010. I've decided to start blogging again, which I can add to my millions of New Years Resolutions that I may or may not keep. The list so far goes as follows:
-Spend less time on the computer (I realize that blogging might not be so conductive to this goal, but I can blog on my phone, which doesn't involve being on the computer.)
-Get back to the healthy diet I kept in the summer. So far, so good. I've had the odd junk food indulgence, but I never intended to cut junk food out of my life completely.
-Quit buying books on Amazon. So far, so good. Only books for school have been purchased so far, though it's only 3 weeks into January.
-Save money..we'll see how this goes in the long run
-Learn better housekeeping....going ok
-Practice French. Haven't really got started on this one yet.

I also made a commitment to do well in my studies, but that wasn't so much a new years thing as it was an 'I don't want to fail' thing. Studying via correspondence suits me well though. I can always find motivation to read and I learn well by reading. Statistics is a bitch though. I can do the math (it's really just simple algebra) but I'm not really sure sometimes why I'm doing it. I get the basic concepts fine (sample, population, blah blah blah) but some of the more invested concepts seem to only be skimmed through and I'm not sure what relevance they have in the greater world of statistics.